Wife's Duty...

It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter in law arrives in the family, everything changes.
Some daughters in law are well trained and well mannered.
They don't come to change the family, they are there to... read the following:

The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.
As expected she gave a speech:

"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family",she said
"Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine."
"No, I will never do that, never in a million years".

"What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law.

"What I mean, dad, is (looking at her father in law):
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account,and
Those who used to clean should continue cleaning".

"Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law.

"I'm here just to entertain your son"

Actual label instructions on consumer goods

1. On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

2. On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

3. On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
Don 't turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

6. On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

8. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm taking this because???...)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to... what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh... fly Delta?)

14. On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

theories of life

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that, is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling,
telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Grandma got a tattoo..!!!!

Can never imagine if she was my grandma.....

Differences between Men & Women - Waking up in the morning

Before and After the Marriage

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was hard waiting.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top !!!!

Wise thoughts on everything

1. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
2. Life is sexually transmitted.
3. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
4. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...
8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.